you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
