The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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