I don't remember. Are we still dating?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
