idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
