If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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