I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
