She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
