Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
