just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
