Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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