Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
