Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
