i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
