i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
