Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
