would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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