I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize