Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
