Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
