Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize