I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
