I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
