I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's never too late to be topless.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
