He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
