please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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