I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
being pregnant is like rehab
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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