what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
