Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
