your room smells of hookers.
And success
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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