Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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