no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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