On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
