Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize