Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize