Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
