she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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