is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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