im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
