false alarm. still invincible.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
