I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
