I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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