Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
