I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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