i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
