Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
