When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
