So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
