Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
