So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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