I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
