you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
