im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
