please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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