dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cannot find my penis.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize