just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
