i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
