No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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