walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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