this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
