He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
