You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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