I can text with my tongue
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
