And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
