i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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