i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
