I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
