Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
