She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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