But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
