:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
