Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
