I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize