He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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