i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
