I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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